Monday, July 30, 2007

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Here we g0...this is f0r the 1st time i create this bl0g...n0thing speciall b0ut me. Aku sama seperti semua manusia yg lain.Cukup sempurna sewaktu aku dilahirkan dan dibesarkan di j0h0r bahru.Dulunya aku seorg pereka grafik selama 2 tahun di kuala lumpur,ser0n0k bekerja dalam bidang advertising bidang yang aku memang belajar suatu masa dahulu di Kuantan (Art & Design Dept) tapi kini semuanya berubah.Sekarang aku bekerja di dalam bidang Oil & Gas sebagai Document and Drawing COntroller..Gajinya agak lumayan tapi aku nggak bisa seperti dahulu lagi di mana bebas berkarya setiap masa. Mungkin sudah tertulis rezeki ku di johor bahru bukan sebagai graphic designer lagi. Aku akur karena aku berhenti kerja dulu sebab mahu menjaga mamaku di johor.Aku rela kehilangan kerja yg aku minati dr aku kehilangan seorg insan yg terlalu besar nilainye dalam diri aku.Aku juga seorang yg sangat sensitif..dari dahulu lagi memang aku seorang yg terlalu mudah mengalirkan air mata,emangnye aku nggak bisa kuat semangat seperti org lain,tapi aku cukup tabah waktu 5 tahun yang dulu di mana tuhan mengambil abah kesayanganku pergi mengadapNYA. Ya waktu itu umurku 18 tahun, masih segar dalam ingatanku sewaktu abah beria-ria mahu mengambilku balik kerja,sedangkan sebelum2 nya aku enak sahaja pulang kerumah menaiki bas,tapi kenapa pada waktu itu tanggal 21-02-2000 waktu 08:00 malam aku ternampak abah datang ke arahku dengan senyuman yg aku takkan tahu itulah senyuman terakhirnye malam itu,abah datang padaku dan berkata mahu mengambilku pulang kerja. Tepat pukul 9 lebih kedai kasut Bata yg aku kerja sementara waktu itu sudah mahu tutup dan aku bergegas mahu pulang karena kasihan melihat abah menunggu ku dgn penuh seribu tanda tanya di kepalaku waktu itu.

Sewaktu dalam mobil abah diam seribu bahasa, cuma yg masih aku ingat kata-katanya sewaktu kami hampir sampai di rumah "abah selalu nampak bayang-bayang abah kat surau nih..kenapa ye..??" aku diam sahaja wa
ktu pertanyaan itu diajukan kepadaku,bila diingatkan semula baru lah aku tahu setiap yang mahu menghadapi sakaratul maut,kita akan ternampak diri kita sudah melayang2 di dunia ini 7 hari sebelum kita meninggal..mungkin waktu itu abah sudah nampak dirinya di mana2.Wallahualam..hanya dirinya sahaja yg tahu waktu itu.Sehinggalah sampai sahaja di rumah tepat pukul 10 kami berkumpul sekeluarga dimana aku,mama,adik, along dan abah menont0n tv bersama-sama sitc0m Senari0..Kami semua tergelak-gelak dgn lawak2 pelakon senari0 tetapi Abah..??Hanya diam sahaja men0nton tv tanpa gelak...dan guarauan nye selama ini..tapi kami leka..leka dengan dunia tv....Tiba-tiba sedang kami gelak ketawa, abah yang duduk di sebelah aku jatuh seperti seseorang yg sedang sujud sembahyang...along terus memangku abah dan menyuruh abah mengucap...mamaku seperti org histeria memanggil2 nama abah..Tetapi aku waktu itu seperti manusia yg kebingungan hanya melihat sambil air mata tidak henti2 mengalir..aku bingung..kenapa dan mengapa abah tiba2 jadi begitu sedangkan dia baru mengambil aku pulang kerja...Bila along menyuruh abah mengucap berulang kali baru lah aku seperti tersedar dr lamunan memeluk kaki abah..
Ketika Ambulance sampai menuju ke Hospita Penawar aku begit
u yakin dalam diriku yg abah masih lagi hidup...aku memujuk hatiku..ya..abah masih hidup..ya allah selamatkan abahku...tapi selepas kami menuggu di hospital,aku akur pabila doktor memanggil kami semua masuk ke bilik..Tatkala itu aku sudah nampak abah telah diselimutkan dgn kain putih menutupi seluruh tubunnya...aku meraung...memeluk badan abah waktu itu..aku tidak peduli dgn org disekelilingku...aku menggoyangkan badan abah sambil berkata 'abah,bangun..bangun abah..." Tapi sudah terlambat..abah pergi jua malam itu meninggalkan kami empat beranak...Along waktu itu aku dapat lihat kelemahan dan air mata kelakiannya mengalir dgn laju tanpa dapat dibendung lagi..Ermm..apap0n abah selamat disemadikan di tanah perkuburan Masai baru..Aku berdoa semoga abah di tempatkan dalam golongan orang yg beriman,aku nak abah tahu walaupun sudah tiada,abah adalah ayah dan lelaki yang terbaik dalam hidup aku sampai bila2...Jauh di sudut hati kecilku,aku menyimpan harapan mahu berjumpa lagi dengan abahku di akhirat kelak..Amin...(Alfatihah untuk Allahyarham Mohd Sharif Mohd Noor yg kembali ke rahmatullah pada 21-02-2000 R.I.P)
Itu sebahagian kisah sedih dalam hidupku...past is past right,aku perlu teruskan hidup jika aku mahu berjaya. AKu sendiri tak pasti samaada aku sudah berjaya atau tidak dalam hidupku..Apa yg aku ada sekarang hanyalah segulung diploma dalam bidang Art and Design...Mungkin aku tidak seheb
at kalian adanya degree,master,etc.Tapi sekurang2nya aku ada diploma yg pernah membuatkan aku kenal erti pengalaman dan kepayahan sewaktu belajar di IKIP,UITM Kuantan dahulu.
Kini hatiku sudah hampir 7 tahun kepunyaan Shahril Yahya...Ya..tunangku..dulu kami hanya kawan sahaja..tak ku sangka bertukar perasaan menjadi sang kekasih yg akhirnya mengikat tali pertunangan pada 09-09-07 lalu dan kami mahu mendirikan rumahtangga tahun depan pada tanggal 08-08-08 insyaAllah...Doakan yg terbaik buat kami..Kami mahu menjaga mama,bapak dan mak bersama-sama.

HIBA - HUJAN

oh hiba memang waktu ini kau lah teman ku
memang hidup, apa apa pun ajal yang kau tempuh

memang Tuhan sayang kan mu
ku tatap gamba wajah mu

harus ku terus kan hidup
walaupun perit tanpa mu
tetap ku peluk erat memori kau dan aku
harus ku teruskan hidup
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